A Chocolate for Your Thoughts
by The Carnivorous Muffin
Summary: A nine year old student new to his primary school wonders if it's a good idea whether or not to give the mysterious Ellie Potter chocolates for Valentine's Day. Side fic to "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus"


**Author's Note: A small note to the readers warning you that this is a side fic to "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus" and if you haven't read that you'll be mildly confused. I suppose you could just say it's fem!Harry, nine years old, with a rabbit but there's also a lot of back story missing with that statement so it's best to get familiar with that story first.**

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February 14th, 1989.

Colin Oliver Jones was nine years old, in his third year of primary, somewhat new to his school, and dreadfully nervous. He was nervous for quite a few reasons, one was because he hadn't understood the math homework and he had probably failed the quiz that morning and his mum would have his head when she found out. But that wasn't the reason that his hands were sweating and butterflies fluttered in his stomach.

He was probably too old to be giving out cards to people on Valentine's day, people didn't really do that anymore and he didn't think he would have either, he wouldn't have at his last school that was for sure. Certainly boys didn't hand out cards and candy, a girl might, but there was a general agreement that you just couldn't do that as a guy.

Girls were tidy, boring, and had girl-germs. Even at his old school everyone had known this, at the new one it was even worse, you didn't step near a girl or do any number of things if you wanted to safely stay out of Dudley Dursley's way.

And Colin had learned very early on that you stayed as far out of Dudley Dursley's way as you possibly could.

Dudley Dursley was fat, mean, bigger than anyone in the classroom, and took great pleasure in letting everyone know it. On Colin's first day of school, after he'd introduced himself and everyone had just stared blankly at him (probably knowing what was coming as soon as Colin had opened his mouth), Colin had gotten closely acquainted with Dudley Dursley's chubby fist during recess.

"Look at him Pierce, he looks like he's gonna cry like a baby." Dudley had said to his crony, the skinny Pierce Polkiss who had somehow mastered the art of laughing on cue, and then Dudley had turned back to him with a leering grin, "How long before he cries, Pierce?"

At that moment Colin had no idea why Dudley was doing this, Colin hadn't even learned their names yet, but he'd also known that it didn't really matter and because of that he had no idea what Dudley was going to do. For the first time in his life he realized that he could get really hurt, like people in books or on the television but not in real life, Dudley might not just stop with one punch but could continue until Colin… Until Colin had no idea what he'd look like.

Dudley probably would have kept going too, past the point where Colin was crying, but he was interrupted.

And Colin first met Ellie Potter.

"Dudders, we need to talk."

Dudley Dursley froze, his hands stiffening, and for a moment there was a look of complete dread on his face. It was a girl, a girl in their class, Colin recognized her because she'd been somewhat distinctive. She'd been sitting in the back corner, away from everyone else, a rabbit sleeping on her desk, and a look of complete and utter boredom on her face that hadn't changed even when he was introducing himself.

She looked similar now, only she'd put the rabbit on top of her head where it stared at them all with dark eyes, but other than that she had the same expression and looked like nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

When she'd been sitting so far away, in the back by herself, he hadn't realized how green her eyes were.

Dudley didn't turn, instead he shouted into Colin's face, "What do you want crazy freak?"

The girl sighed, like Dudley was acting really stupid and just wasting her time, and like Colin wasn't there at all, "We need to talk about your feelings."

Dudley stopped gripping Colin, turning to the girl, and Colin found that he was too shocked to actually run away.

"My feelings?"

Out of seemingly nowhere the girl pulled out a detailed picture, the kind that looked like it could win some award, with a giant red "F" on the top as well as the words "see me after class". They all leaned forward to stare at the picture, it looked, well, Colin wasn't sure what it was. It looked sort of glassy, a little gray, like he was looking at a screen and the people inside, while realistic were a little warped, stretched, with expressions that looked like they belonged in cartoons.

It looked, creepy, was the only word he could really think about it.

"It seems that I have failed to depict our family life accurately." The girl said, waving her hands dramatically upwards into a shrug as if asking why the world did things like this, and with it the paper disappeared back to wherever it came from, "And our teacher demanded I go talk to you about your picture, which was apparently a lot better than mine."

For a moment Dudley said nothing, he just fumed uselessly, and it was so different from that confidence he'd had before. Somehow, this girl had made things different, had made Dudley Dursley scared and it was showing. Dudley seemed to realize this too, that his image was being ruined, because suddenly he shouted, "Crazy freak's spreading the crazy again! She's gonna spread the disease."

Dudley then hollered at Pierce, "Come on, Pierce, let's go hunt down the crazy freak."

At that Pierce grinned uncertainly, glancing at the girl, and the girl began to look mildly annoyed.

"Seriously, Dudders, just tell me if you drew a lot of hearts and rainbows because if I fail another one of these things there's probably going to be a parent teacher conference and I'd rather not have to deal with the fallout from Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia."

Dudley didn't seem inclined to listen to her and instead began to run and the girl let out another sigh, and with a speed that was almost uncanny, sprinted in the other direction. And then there was Colin, standing there, holding a hand to his face where Dudley had hit him, wondering what had just happened.

That was a while ago, since then he'd learned her full name was Eleanor Lily Potter, and that everyone seemed to think she was a bit touched in the head.

"Oh, Ellie Potter, she's always been crazy." Was the usual response, when he first started asking about her.

The rabbit's name was Rabbit and for whatever reason the teacher never even seemed to notice that the rabbit was there. She didn't really have any friends, just sat in the corner by herself reading large books, doodling, sleeping, or else staring at walls. Somehow though, despite never paying attention, she always received perfect grades, at least… on math and writing. When it came to her papers, her interpretation of things, or her feelings about things, she tended to receive the lowest grades.

She didn't really talk to anyone, didn't even really seem to notice anyone, and the most she seemed to interact with anyone was when Dudley and his friend were chasing her around on the playground trying to beat her up.

He didn't know when he first thought that she was very pretty. Maybe it was that first day, when she was out in the playground with a rabbit on her head, or maybe it was later when he'd see her sprinting by her hair a red banner behind her. He didn't really know, didn't even understand how, but soon he started blushing and feeling nervous whenever she happened to glance in his direction.

There was something about her eyes, even when he knew that they weren't focused on him, that she probably didn't even know his name there was something about them. They were deep, light enough that you could look in and keep going, and somehow got darker as you kept staring like looking into the bottom of a glassy lake.

He'd tried not to think about it, and then when that hadn't worked he'd tried not to show it, but then soon enough it was February and he knew Valentine's day was coming up and if there was any time that was the right time it was the time where you could buy heart shaped cards from the grocery store.

But it wasn't quite that easy, there were still a few problems.

One, was that he wasn't even really sure that Ellie knew who he was. He was pretty sure she could recognize his face but beyond that... Ellie didn't seem to really notice people that much, beyond Dudley Dursley he'd never heard her call anyone anything close to their name, even Pierce who was always around Dudley was never actually acknowledged.

This was a hard blow for him and sometimes Colin hoped that Ellie was actually watching him just as closely as he was watching her. That maybe she had a crush too and they'd… But he doubted it.

There was another, more physically dangerous reason, that was making him hold back though. Ellie Potter was Dudley Dursley's cousin.

They looked nothing alike, if Colin hadn't heard from everyone in the class he'd never have believed it, but it was true. Ellie even lived with Dudley, every day they'd walk home from school together, Dudley tense and Ellie bored.

There was an unspoken rule in his class, one no one had mentioned out loud but everyone knew. If you wanted to stay on Dudley Dursley's good side then you didn't go making nice with the crazy freak, Ellie Potter.

But no one else was going to do it. The whole time Colin had been at his new school no one had ever talked to her, they tried to not look at her for too long if they could help it, and Colin knew that no one ever would.

She was going to continue sitting by herself in the back corner, reading her books, looking perfectly indifferent to everything because… because no one had ever tried to reach out to her. And maybe if he gave her this candy, maybe, maybe she would look at him and…

And he couldn't lose courage now.

"…Ellie." He started, she glanced over at him, looking as distant and distracted as she always did.

"I… uh…"

It was during lunch, Dudley had snuck off with Pierce some time ago, the heart was hidden in his hands along with the candy probably getting wrinkled but that meant no one could see it. And she just kept looking at him her eyes finally gaining at least a spark of focus, her eyebrows raising, and how was it that having her focus was somehow terrifying?

"I…" Before she could say anything, he thrust out the card, "This is for you."

Ellie took it gingerly, holding it out in front of her at a distance, the rabbit which was on top of her head sniffed at it and then appeared to lose interest. Ellie, however, was still very focused on it, for too long.

"What does it do?" She asked, her eyes flicking to his.

"Uh… Nothing it's… a card…"

She returned to inspecting it, thinking deeply, and then something seemed to click, "Oh, right, this is that chocolate love holiday isn't it?"

He had nothing to say.

"I sort of forgot this holiday existed, since I never actually get anything out of it, not that I ever actually get anything out of any holiday but this one always made the least sense to me." She said a grin on her face as if the universe made sense once again but then her eyes darkened and she returned her attention to the card, and then from the card to him.

And this time she really was looking at him, with more focus than she ever gave anything, and for a moment he just couldn't see her as his age. She seemed… So different than him.

"Why?" She asked suddenly, when she failed to find an answer by just staring at him.

"Why… what?"

"Why are you giving this to me?" She asked her eyes narrowing again.

"I…" He felt his cheeks burning, she had to know right, did he want her to know? But that was the point, wasn't it, people gave gifts on Valentine's day to… Well not to just friends.

So she had to know.

Maybe she was asking why he liked her, but he didn't want to answer that either, really he didn't want to talk about it at all and he didn't know why he had thought this would be such a good idea.

"Is this one of those things that just is then?" She asked, still looking at him, as if he was a puzzle that demanded solving.

"No… I… I just…" He stammered, his face growing too hot.

He couldn't do it.

He ended up running from the room, to the bathroom, moving into one of the stalls and leaning against the door breathing in and out and waiting to calm down. She didn't like him, she didn't feel anything about him!

To her, he knew, he was no different than wall paper!

He'd sort of known that before, but… But he'd hoped… Oh god, he thought, what if she told Dudley. He'd be dead, he'd never last the school year.

He felt like dying, he wanted to crawl into a hole and never see the light of day again.

Eventually he went back to class, he tried not to look at her, she didn't look at him. When school ended he waited for his punishment, for Dudley Dursley to take him aside and shove him against a wall…

Instead, when everyone was getting ready to leave, it was Ellie who took him aside. She took him to the swings, sat in one and he sat in the other, they both stared forward and didn't look at each other. She looked… She still looked the same, he couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Won't your cousin start looking for you…" Colin started but trailed off when she didn't respond. Dudley had probably gotten impatient and left without her, that seemed to happen sometimes.

"I rarely eat chocolate," She said instead, still staring forward, "The Dursleys don't believe in that sort of luxury for the servants. Of course, I have a little more freedom now than I did back then, but the sentiment remains."

She did look over at him then and for just a moment, a single moment, he existed to her and she understood. She understood what his chocolate and card had meant far more than even he did.

A slow, small, smile spread across her lips, "Thank you, Colin."

The next day it was as if nothing had happened, Dudley didn't beat him up for giving chocolate to his crazy cousin, Ellie continued looking at walls and sleeping during class, and Colin still stared at her and blushed a little too often.

But somehow that was okay, because she did know his name after all.

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 **Author's Note: I miss the younger Lily and her muggle adventures every once in a while. Call me nostalgic. At any rate written for the 2500th review of Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus by Labradorite Moon who asked for a fic with Lily receiving fluff and cuddles, or in this case hearts and chocolate.**

 **Reviews are always appreciated.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**


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